“Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” (Ephesians 4:32)

Because forgiveness is hard, it is courageous. It is an undeserved release of debt. It is freedom through the relinquishment of control. It is a merciful extension of the mercy we have received. It is healing toward wholeness.

Forgiveness is a power most fully given as we learn to receive it for ourselves. As we accept that we are fully seen, fully accepted, and fully loved by God. As we assume a posture of confidence and gratitude, by faith, often despite how we feel about ourselves.

In this way, much of our lifelong spiritual transformation has to do with ingesting the fulness of the gospel for ourselves, learning to believe that we are lovable. As we increasingly embrace the love of God for ourselves, which is the beginning of love for self, we are freed to extend loving-kindness, compassion, and forgiveness to others as a tangible expression of our love for God.

On the daily, parenting is rough. Kids are prone to obstinance and failure in meeting our expectations, repeatedly. We have a firm rule of no food in the basement (well, except on family game or movie nights, of course!). Still, my ten-year-old continually insists on sneaking food into his room, inevitably revealed when we help to sort out his room and discover wrappers hidden and stuffed in every drawer and crevice throughout his room. This frustrates and angers me to no end! (In addition to repeatedly leaving his wet towel on the floor, clothing and shoes all over the house, wiping boogers on the walls … and a number of other things I’m repeatedly reminding him about!)

Suffice it to say, I’ve lost my nerve on my kids on not a few occasions. While my frustration is justifiable, more often than not my anger is disproportionate and unproductive, ultimately rupturing the relationship between parent and child.

The other day as I reflected on my failure, bearing a heart laden with shame following a moment where I lashed out in anger toward my son. With gentleness, the Spirit spoke to my heart, “It’s not ok but I love you.” Here, the Spirit impressed upon me the reality that while God does not let me off the hook for my faults and failures, ever-challenging me toward growth and maturity in Christlikeness, he does so in a perfect posture of patience and compassion, seeking to empower me with love toward transformation.

Our Father in heaven knows we will fall short. The Spirit convicts us but does not attempt to guilt us into conformity. He presents us with truth, with the reality of how things are and ought to be, but he does not beat us into compliance nor shame us into submission.

Our Father’s discipline is an opportunity to pause, to grasp the gravity of a moment, to be sobered by the significance of our choices, or be shaken by all that is beyond our control so that we learn to release our fear and autonomous tendencies to him. That is, the attitudes and behaviors reinforcing our resistance to a properly ordered love of God, self, and others.

As we release ourselves to the way of the Spirit, we more fully experience the life and freedom the gospel proclaims. Often times this involves releasing ourselves from the guilt and shame of failed expectations we’ve held ourselves to, which is to release our grip on things we cannot control. As we release ourselves, we are empowered by grace to release others, expressed through a resting posture of loving-kindness, compassion, and forgiveness; whether in being wronged or offended by another or in issuing correction and training our children up in what is right and true, we are able to do so with words and actions that reflect the heart of God rather than our own insecurities, fears, and failures.

We are not going to do it perfectly. God knows this. Our heavenly Father uses parenting as a corrective training exercise for us as well. To expose our weakness and need for him, in learning live and love more like Jesus, the one who endured hostility and learned obedience through suffering (Hebrews 12:3; 5:8); who entrusted himself to no man nor even his own heart but to the Father who discerns rightly (John 2:24; 8:28-29; Matthew 26:39; 1 Peter 2:23), so too we are learning to find our rest in the way of the Father, Son, and Spirit (1 John 3:20; Galatians 5:25; Romans 12:1-2).